When you have three boys and two of them are toddling
There’s no time for slumber, there’s no time for coddling.
Mealtime’s especially stressful and hairy
As Mom strives to feed kids their fruit and their dairy.
But food never ends up where it rightfully goes.
Noodles balance on heads and get tangled in toes.
I learned the hard way not to serve Go-Gurt that’s blue
It ends up on the boys, on the walls and on you.
It’s a mess and it stains, so the reasons are myriad
To avoid the pleas for blue Go-Gurt, period.
Surprising but true! Hats are dangerous while dining.
The combination of goo and chapeau can be blinding.
Moms can’t always be perfect. Sometimes I screamed, “Damn it!
They’re sucking the life out of me– I can’t stand it!”
Be like me, and lower your standards a smidge.
Children don’t always have to eat food from the fridge.
Sometimes feeding the kids seems like way too much work.
That’s okay. Send them out with a big bowl of dirt!
Roly-polys live in it and so do wiggly worms,
It’s chock-full of nutrients that combat kid germs.
And hey, if your kids are fussy, crack open a Coors.
If the crying still bugs you, give them some of yours.
In no time at all, full of soil and ale,
The toddlers will be tired and off to bed they’ll sail.
And you can then swallow a tablet of Ambien
And sleep til the morrow when you face them again.
(With thanks to MetroDad, Amalah, Rockstar Mommy, and Dooce, among others, who have been writing funny crap about their youngsters and posting hilarious pictures and videos. THAT’S what inspired me to look back at my pictures and see what was happening chez Glamore in the ’90’s in the first place.)